[Editor's note: converted, with permission, to HTML. The contents are as written, except for necessary modifications involved in the conversion to HTML. I've also included a few (clearly marked) notes of my own, and corrected some obvious spelling mistakes and my Email address. The pronoun "I" in this document refers to Big Al, who retains the copyright. There are three copyright notices here- one in each part. I think the date of first copyright is 1995.]

Alt.Sex: Bondage

Copyright Notification: This document is copyright under the laws of the originating country (The USA) and several other nations. Check your local statutes. This document may be distributed/archived by free public or private methods, provided it retains an indication that I wrote it (including my email address). It may not be used for profit-generating activities, without special permission from me.]

Contents:

• Part 1: Main body of post. If you read anything, read this.
  • I: The Really Short Version.
  • II: The Not Really Short Version.
• Part 2: Appendices. Useful tidbits of information you'll probably want to know.
  • A: Ugol's Law
  • B: Where Else To Look
• Part 3: More Appendices. You probably want to read these, too.
  • C: Killfiles
  • D: Glossary

Part 1: Main body of Post

Changes (Since 1996): MAJOR rewrite. I unstilted the prose somewhat to make it more friendly and accessible, and I changed the rules around to reflect the new dynamics around here. Version 5.0

Really Short Version:

These are all tips. No one is bending your arm behind your back and forcing you to do these (well, maybe someone is, but that's none of my doing). On the other hand, a lot of work went into the Welcome, and (I think) it serves its purpose remarkably well.

1. Watch for a while. Read all of this and the FAQ.
2. Try to be understanding and accepting. The world is bigger than you thought it was, almost certainly.
3. Remember the net.warriors serenity prayer: "Lord, let me have the conviction to stick to my position when I'm right, the grace to give in when I'm wrong, and the smarts to figure out which is what."
4. Craft your posts. Bear in mind what you say, who you say it to, and how you say it.
5. Usenet is not the end all and be all of the universe. Relax.
6. This document is not strictly speaking accurate in all respects. It's just a guide to get you started.
7. Avoid ads like the plague.
8. Preface your subject lines with "ASB" so we can figure out you're not a spammer. [Editor's note: this doesn't apply to SSB]
9. If it's copywrit, (read:written by someone else) and you don't have permission, DON'T POST IT. (Well, you can quote and cite, if you don't send too much)
10. People here seem really familiar with each other. Relax, joining the clique is not a difficult thing.

Not So Really Short Version:

Hi there! Welcome to alt.sex.bondage. I'm Big Al, and I'll be guiding you through this brief tour of asb. This is one of our FAQ (Frequently Asked Questions. You'll find net.people have this tendency to use acronyms as often as they can) posts, but not THE FAQ nor could I conceivably replace the FAQ. I highly recommend you get a hold of and read the FAQ, as it explains what bondage & c. is all about and covers some very important safety information. All this post is is a guide to etiquette. It should be posted on the first and fifteenth of the month, or you can do ftp rtfm.mit.edu and look in /pub/usenet-by-group/alt.sex. bondage. Also, news.answers and news.announce.newusers are newsgroups that have a great deal of good information about how to post, how to read, and the conventions that are common throughout most of Usenet.

I'm going to be spending most of my time discussing what to do when you post. Most of the people who read asb, though, never write a single word. It IS okay to sit back and just read, and there are parts of this document (the appendixes) that can still be helpful to you. If you do decide to post, I really recommend you read ALL of the Welcome, read the FAQ, and read the newsgroup for a while to get the feel of the place. You can just jump in with both feet and hope you don't piss anyone off (I did) but generally it's better to look before you leap.

Alt.sex.bondage started, near as I can figure out, sometime between 1985 and 1988. Legend has it that originally it was a joke newsgroup, sort of like alt.sex.bestiality.hamster.duct-tape, but a group of real B&D enthusiasts took over and the rest is, well, history. Asb as it now stands is a catchall newsgroup, for all kinds of deviant sexuality: fetishism, sadomasochism, "love" bondage, etc. Gay/bi/lesbian and bestiality tend not to be discussed here, but it does happen from time to time. In asb you are likely to find technical questions and advice, jokes, relationship discussions, morality arguments, friendly yakking, not so friendly fighting, and just about anything else you're looking for, all in a BDSM positive atmosphere. You will also, unfortunately, find a lot of spam: personal ads, people with binaries or binary carrying websites, and occasionally consumer ads. Please try not to post any yourself. You can generally find non-spam articles that have "ASB" in the subject line.

There is one thing that is not tolerated in asb: nonconsensuality. This newsgroup worships at the altar of consent, and if you don't...keep an eye peeled for police officers. The exception to this rule is that if you're nonconsensual in fantasy and keep it that way, it's okay.

You may, of course, not find what you're looking for. If that happens, there's several things you can do: You can bitch about it and leave, you can post saying "why don't we have more of thisandsuch?", or (and this is your best choice), you can actually write some of the thisandsuch. What generally happens then is that other people who were looking for thisandsuch will go "Nice, there's someone with My kink. I think I'll reply to that post." and pretty soon you have a full blown discussion on your favorite topic going. I, personally, have actually done this to the point where it changed the whole nature of the newsgroup, but it took me about a year or two to do that. Finally, you can look elsewhere for what you want. I've included an appendix: Where Else To Look (appendix B) that should get you started.

I, personally, like to "craft" my posts. It's like making a sculpture: if you just bang something out you're going to be forgotten real fast, but if you take care and make a really good quality post, you soar in other people's esteem, your name goes down in the annals of asb Legend, and you get your point across a lot better, which is why you bothered to post, right? Here's some tips:

• A one-time asb regular wrote down the four goals for an excellent post: "Make me laugh, make me cry, make me think, make me cum." Try to do at least one with most things you write, if you can do all four consistently you're really onto something.
• Always think about who is reading this. Posts are not read by just the person you're replying to, over 200,000 people are reading this newsgroup. Try to include all of them. There's a convention: ObBondage, just for that. If you only wish to speak to the person you're replying to, send them email.
• Take the time and do it right. For starters, the worst flamewars start because someone was imprecise about what they said. Secondly, the better you do, the bigger your audience gets.
• Avoid putting people down for their kinks like the plague. Okay, this needs some qualification: if putting them down IS part of their kink, go for it, but only AFTER you've gotten their permission and for cryin' out loud Please tell the rest of us that's what you're doing. Otherwise, try to be open-minded, or at least tolerant. Bear in mind that no matter what you do, there are people who think it's a sick perversion, and for all any of us knows, they're right.
• Be wary of how much material you quote. A million lines of somebody else's stuff and one line of yours is something of a waste of time for your readers. Try to delete the unimportant bits and summarize where you have to.
• Try to avoid either posting or replying to "flame bait", posts written for the sole purpose of drawing in hostility from other people. This just makes you look like a fool, too.
• After you post, you're going to get several varieties of reaction: nothing at all, some neutral response, flamage, or hailed hugged and heralded. I've yet to find a reliable way to figure out which is gonna happen. If you get the three H's, congratulations, that's better than anything I ever did. If you get flamed, it's important that you relax. People get hurt in flamewars by taking things too much to heart. Bear in mind that the person flaming you is human, and may have their head inserted in their rectum. If it's me flaming you, that's probably the case. If you get nothing, don't worry about it and try again. Most of the posts here never get any kind of reply, and I'd say about 2/3 of all posts I wrote to asb weren't replied to.
• Something that happens sometimes is 'Usenet Nod Syndrome' where you write something really good, everyone reads it, goes "by gum, you're right!", and then can't find anything to reply to. If this happens a lot, try to leave a little 'hook' in your posts so people have something to say.
• Sometimes you'll get two copies of the same reply: one on the newsgroup, and one in email. This is because your correspondent took a step to combat unreliable newsreaders and vicious killing of posts and sent you a courtesy or carbon copy. If you set up an email correspondence because of that, bear in mind that it should stay in email until you get permission from the other to post some or all of it.
• There's one last thing I want to touch on before I let you go: anonymous remailers. Needless to say, admitting you enjoy (say) flogging someone with a bullwhip in a sexual kinda way could get you kicked out of your job. Or lose your kids. Or get thrown in jail. It is, however possible to avoid this and still post by using an anonymous remailer, which hides your identity from everyone who reads the post. Anonymous remailers (good ones) allow you to reply via email, though, so you are still held accountable to the newsgroup.

Big Al. Well, "The Greeting" was taken...

Part 2: Appendices

Copyright Notification: This document is copyrighted to yours truly. You have my persmission to distribute it or archive it, publicly or privately, provided you don't charge anyone for it, let people know that it was I who wrote it (Include my email address) and don't misquote just to prove how messed up all those kinky people are. Otherwise, ask first.

Changes (Since 2/20/96): The Valentines Day Rewrite. Not much changed in this part, though.

I'm going to erase all the information I DON'T have in here about the other FAQ's and issue a general call: you got one I should list?

I'm looking for anon remailers that people are willing to make part of this newsgroup's Welcome FAQ. If you don't run the thing, send me the address of whoever does so I can ask them for permission.

Appendix A: Ugol's Law

At some time in the past (nobody's sure when) Harry Ugol made an off-the-cuff remark (nobody's sure what) that has since become one of the cornerstones of asb thought. Two of the most common formulations of Ugol's Law, as it came to be known, are "For any given kink, either nobody does it or more than one person does it", and "If you ever ask 'am I the only one who <insert kink>?' the answer is invariably 'no'." However, the best way I ever saw of putting it was written by -^-^Spectrum^-^-, who wrote it "You are not the only one."

Ugol's law serves a very important purpose in asb, where people often come in from the cold wondering if they are some kind of sick twisted pervert in the bad sense of the word, alone in some unnatural practice they can't escape from. Ugol's law serves to remind people that there are others out there who are like them, and that serves as a source of comfort.

Some time later The_Horseman wrote Horseman's Corollary, specifically: "Any given kink squicks somebody." So remember that while you aren't universally rejected, there's somebody who won't do what you do. I suggest you not try to force them to. You're not their mother.

Appendix B: Where else to look

No way this is a complete list. A more complete list, the Guide to Sex Resource Information on the Internet, is (supposedly) published monthly here. Mail phillp@iglou.com for info/copy requests.

I am ALWAYS taking submissions for things you feel should be in here. I'll specifically ask for things up above, but I'll accept recommendations for any category.

Incidentally, a word about personals: It is generally a good idea (unless it is obvious that the place is for personals, like alt.personals.ads) to ask first before posting personals. Lots of places do not like personals at all. Come to think of it, the same is true for just about all the points of Nettiquette covered in this document. Read the documentation. [Editor's note: the SSB charter specifically prohibits personals]

Newsgroups:

Mail lists:

IRC channels:

#bdsm exists on both undernet and EFnet,
#gaysm very occasionally exists on undernet and often exists on EFnet,
#femdom I have seen on both nets, and #bondage only exists on EFnet, near as I can tell.
#B&Dlounge and #BDSMlounge I've only seen on the EFnet, but I haven't been looking elsewhere.

[Same here. Anybody who wants an IRC channel listed, would you please tell me?]

WWW sites:

Rob Jellinghaus robj@unreal.com: http://www.unreal.com/adult/asb/faq.htm [Editor's note: the URL has moved to http://www.unrealities.com/adult/ssbb/faq.htm] Okay, I know I said I didn't want to put peoples personal home pages in here, but this isn't just any person, it's Rob Jellinghaus. (Betcha that makes him feel better) He's the maintainer of the asb FAQ and you really should read that.
eff.org: http://www.eff.org Electronic Frontier Foundation, for information on political stuff like freedom of speech on the internet.
SM-COP Online Resource Directory: http://www.tpe.com Think of it as your kinky online card catalog/encyclopedia.
Society for Human Sexuality http://weber.u.washington.edu/~sfpse [Editor's note: the URL has moved to http://www.sexuality.org/] Much the same as above, though you might have a hard time if you're a chipmunk. Includes the Guide to Safer Sex.
mageneta.com: http://magenta.com/lmnop/intro.html Magenta is a site administered by our own Wombat that has both BDSM (look for "lmnop") and non-bdsm users.
The Eulenspiegal Society: http://www.mcsp.com/tes/toc.html [Editor's note: the URL has moved to http://www.tes.org/] An NYC bondage and alternate sexuality group, meets Wednesdays.
The Group With No Name: http://www.io.com/~crackers/GWNN.html [Editor's note: the URL has moved to http://www.gwnn.org/] An Austin (I think) based BDSM organization.

FAQs

• **THE** Faq: Everything you wanted to know about BDSM but were afraid to ask. Posted monthly, by Rob Jellinghaus (robj@unreal com). Available by web surfing at http://www.unreal.com/adult/asb/faq.htm [Editor's note: the URL has changed as described above under WWW Sites. The FAQ is still by Rob Jellinghaus, but (as of 1999) it's posted to SSB on the first and fifteenth of each month by Spectrum.]
• The Acronyms Post: A much better version of the glossary, posted on the 10th, 20th, and 30th (if it exists) by Frites (Email via mindspring.com)
• The Welcome: A guide to ettiquette on alt.sex.bondage. Posted once in a blue moon by yours truly (arsmith@cris.com) You're reading it.

Remailers, anon and non-anon.

Penet.fi is dead. I think. Any others?

Part 3: More Appendices

Copyright Notification: I wrote it, it's my copyright. Out of the kindness of my heart, I'm willing to allow you to copy, distribute, archive, etc. to your hearts content, privately or publicly, in whatever format you feel like (If it's anything besides a file or a computer printout, I'd be interested in knowing what it is, though) provided:

1. My name and email address come attached.
2. No money changes hands.
3. It is not raped and bastardized to prove how strange persons of kink are. For starters, the only person it would prove was strange was me, and I already knew that.

Changes (Since 1996): The Valentines Day Rewrite. I changed Appendix C completely, and added "spam" and a new definition for "ASB" to the glossary.

Anybody know where I can find the Killfiles Faq? I'm looking for all kinds of killfiles advice.

Appendix C: Killfiles

There was a time, once, when people did not post ads saying "come visit my pornograpy website" all over alt.sex.bondage. But then, Cantor and Siegel came in and...well, nothing's been the same since. There is, however, a defense, of sorts: the Killfile.

What a killfile does is to automatically mark read posts that meet certain criteria you set beforehand. On unix systems, this file will be <your home directory>/News/alt/sex/bondage/KILL (or <your home dir>/News/KILL may work) Entries, for rn and trn, come in the following format: /<pattern>/H<headerline>:j the <> and the stuff in between are variables. For example: /.*,.*,.*,.*,/HNewsgroups:j Will kill all posts that hit five or more newsgroups. Two other good lines to have are: /alt.binaries/HNewsgroups:j and /multipart/HContent-Type:j

I totally stole these and tested them on trn. Worked fine. Thank you, spectrum and if you want me to get rid of it just let me know.

Appendix D: Glossary

Disclaimer: This is even less complete than the Where Else To Look appendix, and was just intended to give you a basic idea of what everyone is talking about. Oftentimes people will use these words in ways that have nothing to do with what I wrote down, and the vast majority of BDSM people don't know anything about some of these terms at all. (Ironically, "BDSM" is one of those words.) Consult your local scene for how people speak.

• Androphile: One who loves men. Note that this says nothing about the sex or orientation of the one doing the loving.
• ASB: 1) Shorthand for alt.sex.bondage. 2) a keyphrase that indicates you're writing an actual bondage article, instead of just some spam.
• Bisexual: One who orients towards males and females.
• BDSM: A catchall phrase made up of B&D (Bondage and Discipline) D&S (Dominance and Submission) and S&M (Sadism and Masochism). It describes alternate sexuality in general, except bestiality and orientation variations. Oftentimes there is some blurring of the lines among the three types, fetish play, etc., so BDSM makes a useful term.
• Bondage: The act of restraining someone's movements, usually in a sexual context.
• Bottom: The person who, in B&D or S&M play, is restrained, recieving the beatings, cuttings, etc.
• Cane: A long, thin (usually flexible) rod used to strike a bottom.
• Catcher: Synonymous (well, not exactly, but close enough) to bottom, or sub. The doee rather than the doer. Introduced by Charles Haynes. Apparently this term had some popularity in the gay community before it ever came here.
• CIS: "Complete Irrevocable Submission." Rather self-explanatory.
• Chudwah: (From CHDW) a Clueless Het-Dom Wannabe. Chudwahs don't get a whole lot of respect. They often send wannafucks. (As I recall, The Horseman also came up with this term.)
• Dominance and Submission: The act of exchanging control of one of the participants. Some feel this is accomplished only if the submissive has exchanged all power, and has no way of deciding their fate.
• Dominant: In D&S play, the one who controls.
• Femdom: 1) A dominant woman. 2) The systems of D&S where a woman is dominant.
• Fetish: A sexual attraction to an object, body part, etc. not usually associated with sex. Common examples are latex and feet.
• Flogger: A whip of more than one tail.
• Fnord: A small blue plush creature whom you are enamored of. (The exact reasoning behind "whom you are enamored of" is slightly long and convoluted, and doesn't make a whole lot of difference anyway unless you're talking to him. This is one of those terms that didn't seem to make it outside the computer-based groups.) I'm led to understand it has some application to discordianism, but nobody would tell me what it was.
• Gynophile: One who loves women. Note that this says nothing about the sex or orientation of the one doing the loving.
• Heterosexual: One who orients towards members of the opposite sex.
• HNG: Horny Net Geek. Often sends wannafucks.
• Homosexual: One who orients towards members of the same sex.
• IMO: In My Opinion. There are a LOT of variants on this.
• Kink: One's sexual or semisexual leanings, enjoyments, etc.
• Masochist: One who enjoys experiencing pain.
• Master: Synonym for Dominant. Not used by everyone into D&S.
• Ob(BDSM, DS, etc.): It once was traditional throughout most of usenet that when you posted something off topic to a certain group you added an Ob(whatever the topic is) to the end of the post so your readers didn't think it was a complete waste of time. This isn't absolutely Obligatory anymore (incidentally, that's where the term comes from), but you still see it, and are encouraged to use it should you choose.
• Pistachio: An ice cream flavor. Symbolic for BDSM. See Vanilla.
• Pitcher: Synonymous (well, not exactly) with top, or dom. See Catcher
• Rack: 1. A medieval torture device. To my knowledge, not used in BDSM play since the industrial revolution. 2. A (hopefully) rigid frame used to secure the bottom during a scene. Used after the industrial revolution.
• Sadist: One who enjoys giving pain.
• Safeword: Some form of signal that the participants in a scene use to stop slow, or otherwise take the scene out of a dangerous situation. Depending on who you ask, this may or may not be a good idea, and may or may not affect the power dynamics of a scene profoundly.
• Safe, sane, consensual: This, I feel, is what constitutes acceptable BDSM play on asb. Exactly what this IS has some variability to it, though.
• Scene: 1. B&D, S&M, and sometimes D&S are arranged into scenes, short periods during which the BDSM play takes place. 2. BDSM in general, its participants, and their organizations.
• Sie/Hir: Gender-neutral pronouns, which the english language has a distinct lack of. There is some debate amongst asb linguists over whether sie and hir should be used at all, and the reader is encouraged to decide on their own. (I, personally, am all for it, but I'm trying not to do it here.)
• Sillyopheran: One of several asb posters recognized for their ability to post funny things to asb.
• Slave: Synonym for submissive. Not used by everyone into D&S.
• Spam: n. 1. Material posted all over usenet, displayed all over the place, etc. Usually ads. 2. any common, unwanted postings. v. 1. to post material all over. (This word, incidentally comes from a Monty Python sketch which I don't have space to describe here)
• Squick: 1. asb: a violently aversive reaction to a particular kink, often involving nausea. Formulated by STella. 2. any aversive reaction. 3. alt.tasteless: to remove the top of someone's skull and have sex with the hole. Legend has it that this was introduced to at by an asber who was having some fun.
• Submissive: In D&S play, the one who gives up control.
• Switch: One who enjoys both the top and bottom or dom and sub roles. Or all four.
• Top: The person who, in B&D or S&M play, is restraining, beating, cutting, etc.
• TPE: For Total (or True) Power Exchange. A form of D&S (or, depending on who you ask, the only form of D&S) where the submissive gives up all power to the dominant. Also a BBS in Washington, DC (only that's The Power Exchange).
• Vanilla: A very common ice cream flavor. Also used to describe the non-alternative versions of sexuality and people who practice them exclusively.
• Wannafuck: An unsolicited sexually graphic piece of email. Posters who self-identify as female often get these. Posters who self-identify as male get them too, but less often. This is sometimes depressing for the males.
• Wiitwd: What It Is That We Do. Credit goes to Bill Borher (who by now will have changed his name several times) I believe for this one.
• YMMV: Your Mileage may vary. Or, Yaks Make More Volkswagons, depending on your mood.

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