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For me, having my first two fingers inside someone I love is one of themost wonderfully intimate activities on the planet. With some of my femalelovers, this form of sex seems to have been enhanced through consciousstimulation of the so-called "G-spot." Over time, several of my friendshave commented that it would be nice to write down some of the things thatcan help make G-spot play fun, and this article is our collaborative result.
It should go without saying that every woman is different, andthat you should pay attention to what feels good for the unique personyou are with: if anything in this guide conflicts with what your partnerknows or thinks would feel good for her, then go with her suggestions ratherthan mine. Good communication really IS the cornerstone of terrific sex,after all...
If you absolutely must have long fingernails for fashion reasons, thenyou'll probably want to put cotton balls around them and don latex glovesbefore doing any penetration. If you don't need your fingernails long,then go ahead and clip them short before playing. Even if you have shortfingernails, you may in some circumstances wish to wear a latex glove onyour "insertive" hand for comfort or "peace of mind" reasons; see the "Lubesand Gloves" section of this article for details.
For many women this type of vaginal penetration can be physically and emotionallyintense; it isn't the sort of play most folks would want to leap into immediatelyafter taking their clothes off. If you think of sex as being like a feast,you should probably think of the things this article will talk about asbeing the "main course."
So... Start out by kissing and stroking and teasing each otheruntil you two can't stand it any more (many women find that vaginal penetrationand G-spot play feel especially good after a lot of cunnilingus). Whenthe two of you get to the point where a little penetration starts to soundnice, grab your bottle of water-based lube, apply it liberally to your"insertive" hand, wait for it to heat up to near body temperature (unlessyou had placed your lube bottle in a bowl of warm water to keep it warm),and slowly (teasingly?) insert your first two fingers into your lover'svagina.
At this point, many couples like to alternate between patternssuch as these:
Some couples find it erotic and pleasurable when the insertive partnerthrusts his or her hand in and out and in and out (and for an extra thrill,possibly exerts pressure upwards when withdrawing to involve her G-spota little more). It might also feel good to her for you to use your thumbto rub her clitoris while the first two fingers of your hand rest, movein circles, rub her G-spot, or thrust in and out.
Your non-insertive hand can do an almost endlessly delicious varietyof things. You might try:
Depending on your mutual comfort levels with "power" play and anal play,you might also experiment with one or more of the following:
You can also lie down or crouch so that your head is next to hers and whisperhot things in her ear (incorporating fantasies which you know your partnerenjoys into your verbal teasing and hot talk is almost always fun). Passionatekissing is usually welcome, as is licking or sucking your partner's nippleswhile she is being penetrated.
Licking, kissing, or sucking on your partner's clitoris mightalso feel good to her during vaginal penetration. You and your partnermight find vaginal penetration and G-spot play to be more arousing if sheis somehow pleasuring you as you are pleasuring her; this can work equallywell for same-sex as for opposite-sex couples, though you might have todo some experimenting to find the body positions that are most comfortablefor the two of you.
Most women who have experienced both claim that it is easier to have multipleG-spot orgasms than it is to have multiple clitoral orgasms. If an orgasmrears its lovely head while you two are playing, try whispering some wordsof encouragement (and perhaps ratchet up the intensity just a little bit),but basically continue pleasuring through her orgasm, afterwards, and possiblyinto a next one. As long as it still feels good for both of you, what'sthe point of stopping? There is often a "pyramid effect" with multipleG-spot orgasms; each one makes the next one feel better, and makes almostanything else sexual feel better too. However, as I said earlier everybodyis a little different, and quality is obviously more important than quantity.
It IS true for some women that G-Spot play may become more likelyto result in orgasm over a period of weeks or months after first startingto experiment with it. It is also true that the intensity of G-Spot orgasmsmay be directly related to pubococcygeal muscle tone, which is anotherincentive for doing regular PC muscle exercises (see TheNew Good Vibrations Guide to Sex for more details).
If you want to try including your G-Spot when masturbating, onegood combination of toys would be a HitachiMagic Wand vibrator (used on your clit as you're getting warmed up)together with a CrystalWand (used in your vagina on your G-spot), or possibly a HitachiMagic Wand vibrator with a "G-Spotter"attachment.
By the way, in general it isn't a good idea to have a huge ego/emotionalstake in having (or "giving") orgasms or multiple orgasms; most sex educatorsbelieve it isn't helpful to get "goal oriented"about something that'ssupposed to be fun.
Some women enjoy vaginal fisting (having all or most of their lover's handin their vagina). This is DEFINITELY a case where you should proceed onlywith your partner's active and ongoing encouragement and within her comfortlevel. If you two would like to give vaginal fisting a try, then I'd recommendfirst reading Deborah Addington's book AHand in the Bush: The Fine Art of Vaginal Fisting. However, thebasic technique is as follows: with your hand palm up (and your lover onher back or on all fours) bring your fingers and thumb together to formsomething that looks like a duck bill. With massaging, and possibly gentletwisting motions, slowly tease your hand into her vagina. If your anatomiesallows it, once you get past the third knuckles your fingers will startto gently and naturally curve back to form a fist. The whole proceduretakes time and plenty of trust, but the women and men who can take a wholehand vaginally or anally often claim that it leads them to transcendent,ecstatic altered states (read TRUST/TheHand Book by Bert Herrman for a discussion of anal fisting, ifthat is your area of interest).
Even if safer sex issues are not a concern, many women find thatit is more physically comfortable to be fisted when their partner is wearing(possibly powder-free) latex gloves.
According to TheNew Good Vibrations Guide to Sex by Cathy Winks and Anne Semans,the G-spot, anatomically, is the area beneath the urethral sponge (seethe illustrations below, from the alt.sexFAQ). This might at least partially explain its role in what is oftencalled "female ejaculation." It also may shed light on why G-spot stimulationmakes some women feel as if they have to urinate when they really don't(several studies have shown that female ejaculate is not urine).
![[Female InternalSexual Anatomy]](../images/femlint2.gif)
![[Female External Sexual Anatomy]](../images/flushvul.gif)
If you're interested in learning more about this topic you might considerrenting the films How to FemaleEjaculate and Slutsand Goddesses. Still, it should be pointed out that female ejaculationis NOT a universal response to G-spot stimulation and orgasm; even amongwomen who regularly enjoy G-spot orgasms, it's still pretty rare.
Many of these G-spot techniques will work in a similar fashion on men whenperformed anally. Men have what is called a "prostate gland," the stimulationof which can provoke and/or intensify orgasms. One may stimulate the prostategland with one or two fingers a few inches inside the anus pressing towardsthe penis, which leaves the other hand free to massage the penis itself.The prostate gland usually feels like a little dome. Please see the latestedition of Jack Morin's book AnalPleasure and Health or TheUltimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women by Tristan Taormino for moreinformation on prostate play.
It is almost certainly true that you are much less likely to pick up ortransmit diseases from the activities this document describes than youare from many other common sexual activities (such as unprotected vaginalor anal intercourse). If you and your partner don't wish to use glovesand one or both of you is possibly infectious, just be aware that menstruationor the presence of cuts on your hands adds risk, and washing your handswith hot water and anti-bacterial soap after playing (before rubbing youreyes) reduces risk. For absolute protection when playing with someone ofunknown HIV/STD status (and/or when YOU are of unknown HIV/STD status),standard latex "examination" gloves can be used.
Boxes of these gloves may be purchased at many drug stores. Exceptin cases of powder allergies or sensitivities it doesn't matter whetherthe gloves are powdered or not, but do make sure you buy the size thatfits you properly. If you want to see an erotic film in which both lubeand gloves are used with obvious skill and comfort, rent Safeis Desire.
I've tried a lot of different products and have personally settledon the following choices:
Water-Based Lube: I-D, without N-9 Latex Condoms: Kimono MicroThins, without N-9 Oral Barriers: Glyde "Lollyles" Gloves: Standard Latex Examination Gloves, unpowdered
I've also tried the new silicone-based lubes, which feel like oils (andcan be used underwater) but which have many of the desirable propertiesof water-based lubes (including being safe to use with latex). Some womenhave liked the vaginal feel of these silicone lubes but most haven't, leadingme to conclude that they might be more appropriate for anal intercourseand male genital massage than for G-spot play or vaginal intercourse. Water-basedlubes without Nonoxynol-9 are still the best all-around lube choice, inmy opinion.
The plain Kimono MicroThins condoms taste fine for oral sex; certainly,they taste better than powdered, unlubed condoms and those mint condoms(if you find a Kimono MicroThin condom that tastes bad, it's probably becauseyou picked up one of the Nonoxynol-9-coated ones by mistake). The Glydebarriers, like all oral barriers, feel even better if you put a drop ofwater-based lube on your partner's side before applying them. Some menlike to put a drop of water-based lube in the tip of a condom before puttingit on to increase sensation, but other men (especially those who have beencircumcised) don't notice a significant difference.
My favorite places to order lube, toys, videos, and books areToys in Babeland (1-800-658-9119)andGood Vibrations (1-800-BUY-VIBE),and my favorite place to get condoms and other safer sex supplies is TheRubber Tree (1-888-792-TREE). If you want more information on safersex or pointers to other sex-positive resources, please refer to the Societyfor Human Sexuality web page or call SFSIat (415) 989-7374.
Ultimately, most sex is about pleasure and/or intimacy rather than "technique,"and if one's entire focus is on "technique" rather than either of thesethings sex can often lose some of its spark. In other words, this wholearticle should be taken with a grain of salt; it has value only insofaras it inspires more pleasure, passion, and joy in your life.
Happy loving!
